I've never really felt at ease driving my Mercedes. Frankly, the comfort seat for me is the back seat. My best friend drives for my Mom and I as an odd job and loves to - he's a million-mile retired cabbie. Thus, I rather frequently indulge in the "L" of 450SEL... and ride in complete bliss. I enjoy reading while riding Only in this car - and have never had a hint of the queasiness that often accompanies reading while riding in lesser cars.
That said, here's the duck's nuts: 116s just sit funny compared to other cars. 126s aren't quite as odd, with the electrical mechanisms that can compensate... but frankly I feel like I'm waiting to see the principal or sitting in a lounge at an airport... the kind of airline-owned executive lounge that discourages sitting around.
Not uncomfortable... just not... comforting. Comfortably uncomforting? Makes me want to don a stethoscope, grow ear hair, go bark orders at nurses and/or terrorize my non-union ammunitions factory employees while maliciously manufacturing a huge surplus of land mines since they have a long shelf-life and make good giveaways when doing business with emerging third-world countries. (my privately held munitions manufacturing company dubiously financed almost wholly by my brother-in-laws blind-faith investment of Greenpeace's retirement accounts).
You know, I love Max, but the damn cars SIT like what they are... the dictator's choice. Thus perhaps it has something to do with the original target customers?
Here's a recent quote from a blog:
TOP 5 - CARS FOR DICTATORS, MAFIA DONS & YAKUZA KUMICHOS
The Good Car brother-in-law has a terrific Slovak accent. During a phone conversation the other day, he asked what I was calling for. I joked and said money. He proceeded to tell me that I ought to head to The Thirsty Duck, ask for Vladimir and tell him Frankie sent me. "He'll give you whatever you need."
This was all a joke, remember. But the accent, the hairless round head.... he could pull it off. And were he to pull off the complete Russian Mafia routine, what would he drive? (Likely not a Chevrolet Venture.) On the other hand, at a recent wedding of which I was a part, two well-off guests came all the way from Long Island. One joke during the open-mic session involved the phrase, "Did you see this couple from Long Island, looking straight out of the Mob?"
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including the Top 5 Cars Cops Should be Driving and the Top 5 Cars for Heads of State
So I took a look, and.... yeah. If the guy really was a Jersey mobster, what would he drive? Time to get to work on the Top 5 cars for Mafia Dons & Yakuza Kumichos, I realized. Here they are.
BIG AND BLACK TOP-LINE MERCEDES FOR THE RUTHLESS DICTATORS AND THE RUSSIAN MAFIA: Seeing as how all five groups within this piece have an image to uphold, the car must suit that image to a T. Cold, sterile, precise, and possessing great inherent strength - well that'd be an old Mercedes-Benz 600 Pullman and all of its six doors. Leonid Brezhnev was the Communist Party's First Secretary in 1972, while Russia played eight famous hockey games against Canada, and this car was nearing its production end with a healthy 300 horsepower and over 400 lb-ft of torque.
Sadly, from the mid-seventies until today, Pol Pot and Mobutu and Baby-Doc have all had to enjoy the lesser thrills of "mere" S-Class Mercedes Benz (often armored and converted into full limousines). To this very day, almost every ruthless capitalistic and/or dictatorial country on the planet has a standing order for each new Mercedes S-Class model. The Mercedes official site brags that in the late 1970s, nearly 200 separate countries owned and operated Mercedes S-Class automobiles.
Take the legendary 600 - it sucked fuel like a modern Chevrolet Suburban. It also weighed a hefty 6000 pounds before the necessary body armor, and in 1972 cost a then-hefty $38,000.
Any large Mercedes sedan from this era is still the mobile monument of choice for Russian gangsters - demonstrating the excess and grandeur of new Russia while mixing in the Russian Mafia's suspicious past with the shadowy world of KGB arrests and the "missing" friends back in the good (bad) old days.
CADILLAC ESCALADE FOR THE JERSEY MOBSTER: This time, it has to be new. Tired and scarred 'Slade's would forever tarnish the image of anybody named Tony. The true waste-disposal family would need a three car garage equipped with the standard Escalade, the Escalade ESV and Escalade EXT. Sometimes you need a little more space in the rear for passengers and sometimes you need a little open-air space in the rear for...ummm, waste. An Escalade always has plenty of power on tap, 403 horses in fact. Those horses derive from a 6.2L V8, 417 lb-ft of low-down stump pulling torque. And it even runs on regular gas. Hey, were business to face a down-turn, those gas savings may come in handy.
CHRYLSER 300C SRT-8 FOR THE IRISH MOB: Are the wheels too big? Tone it down, the regular 300C still has the Hemi V8 but is a degree lower on the conspicuous consumption meter. After all, the Irish boys have infiltrated many'a city's underworld, and their otherwise normal appearance can't be thrown so far off by a car that looks like it costs $75K, even if the price barely jumps above $40,000 USD. That's the beauty of the big Chrysler - it gives everybody the gangsta look while offering an everyman/everycar experience. Spacious? Check. Quick? 425 bhp quick. Can it pull off heavy tint? For sure.
SICILIAN COSA NOSTRA IS DEFINED BY A MASERATI QUATTROPORTE: Maserati has finally decided to offer a transmission smooth enough for limo-duty. The previous 6-speed automated manual was suitable for the Ferrari's it was formerly used in, but any large luxury car without a proper 6-speed automatic is too brutal for work in careers that thrive on smooth, unfussed style. Besides, Sicily (or anybody from Sicily) requires a car that can match the beauty through which it will drive. Rolling roads around Corleone can be enjoyed on stressless days in a sports sedan like the Q'porte. Faster around a racetrack than many a hi-po sports sedan, the 4,400 lb Maserati can still hold almost 16 cubic feet of 'cargo'.
YAKUZA IN A MERCEDES-BENZ S-CLASS, AS ALWAYS: From shateigashira to kumicho and even the fuku-honbucho in between, the Yakuza hold no surprises to the people of Tokyo, Osaka, Nagoya, and Yokahama. One such Yakuza trait that holds no surprise is their vehicle of choice, so expect no oyabun to check GCBC for car-buying advice. S-class Mercedes from a various generations suit the Yakuza just fine, so long as they come painted black. Differentiation lies ahead of the passenger compartment. V8? Big V8? Twin-turbo V12 with over 600 getaway horsepower? Import a diesel, maybe even a diesel V8? Just make sure the windows are heavily darkened. Yakuza offices are sometimes marked as clearly as their automobile, which is as clearly defined as the members themselves. Walk uniquely, eyes always covered, dressed permanently in suits. The decision to transport themselves in such a vast fleet of Mercedes' flagship sedan is perhaps the best choice the Yakuza has ever made.
